Dream Girl

Today I was thumbing through a baby magazine minding my own business and I saw her name.  It took the wind out of me and I was shocked at how just seeing her name randomly brought back the sadness that I thought had started to disappear.   The sadness also comes with immense guilt for having the sadness and the circle continues.  My close friends and family know that I have had trouble dealing with the fact that I do not have a daughter. The guilt comes in because I am in absolutely complete head over heals enchanting love with my two boys.   I mean look at them... For reals who would not adore these two guys?

Jacob 6--  Grady  1.5

 I named her, dreamt about her, planned tea parties, tutus and dance lessons.    Maybe someday we will try for a little girl or maybe we will adopt my pretty princess from China.  If I had enough money and could talk Chris into it I would do both!  Until then I have learned to love Hockey, video games, hotwheels, legos, and anything that has to do with wheels or balls.  I love that there is very little drama, (although I kinda like a little drama now and then), I will get to dance with the boys at their weddings, and help teach the men of the future how to respect and treat women.   When I am desperate for a princess I am blessed to have five amazing nieces and with two sisters preggers maybe more!  I try to keep them all the time, but their parents will not let me have their children.  They are selfish... :))))

I am very blessed with the men in my life.  This is a fact I am keenly aware of and thank God for every day and every night.  I do wonder if I should keep praying for my daughter or is that a slap in the face of what I have already been given?  At this point, maybe I should just pray to forgive myself for being sad and put the rest all in God's hands.