You are the most planned surprise. Your creation was planned by me, you and obviously God. There is a belief that gut feelings and the whispers a person feels that never seem to go away are messages from God. You were that message.
From outward appearances our family was complete, but something kept telling me it was not finished. There was a place at the table that needed to be filled, a voice that wanted to be heard, and a soul that needed to be known.
It is hard to explain a gut feeling or a longing to people, the hardest is usually yourself. The second hardest is the person that needs the most convincing. Your father was especially hard to convince. It took agreements, power point presentations, and years of long heartfelt discussions. The winning mixture contained a healthy dose of Vicodin, tears and your father’s undeniable proclivity for trying to make me happy.
In February 2015, after a particularly dramatic scene, we made a deal that we would start trying and if we did not get pregnant by July the door would be permanently closed. This was actually a compromise on our part because the thing that not a lot of people understand is that getting pregnant when you want to is not as easy as it sounds. It took six to 8 months of actively trying to make a baby for your older two brothers. (When you are 30 and a graduate from Harvard Med we can discuss what that entails but for now we will just say actively praying.) Maclyn for you it was one prayer. I was surprised and your father was astonished that you answered our prayer so quickly.
The worst part for me about having a baby is pretty much the entirety of being pregnant. Luckily you will never a meet your pregnant Mommy, because she is not much fun or nice. It is hard to be nice and fun when you don’t feel good and I rarely felt good. The best part of having a baby is getting to meet part of your soul face to face. You and your brothers are not just my DNA mixed with your father’s DNA. You are everything. Our heart, our dreams, our pleasure and our pain. You are the answer to our prayers, the lost puzzle piece.
Today you are two years old. You add such a bright light to our home. I am sorry to say that your future significant other is going to have a lot of work cut out for them because you are overly adored in this house. Your two big brothers are wrapped around your finger. I melt when you say, “I Sawwry” for everything except when you should be sorry and when you say “Bwess you” anytime someone sneezes. Your huge belly laugh gets everyone going and you give the best kisses. You have a great arm and this is cute when you are throwing a ball but not cool when it is your food every single time you eat. Every.Single.Time.
That brings us to your father. To say that you were his greatest planned surprise is an understatement. The way he looks at you is hard to describe. There are photos of him staring at you or smiling at you that explain it perfectly. You are his little buddy and he is yours. The adoration is completely mutual. You light up when you see him and scream when he leaves. While traveling or around strangers you prefer him over me hands down. He is your Daddy lounger and you crawl on his lap sit back and make yourself comfortable.
Life is a beautiful mess Maclyn. There will be times when it is hard and times when you feel like you do not belong or fit in, but just know that you will always be the perfect fit in our family. Every day, I am grateful that you chose us to be your family. I am grateful that I listened to the ache in my gut and the whispers in my soul and I am so profoundly happy you did not stop whispering.