Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Family Meeting: And why I am not sure it worked.

As much as I think I am completely different from all these crazy boys I share a life and home with, there is one quality that all four of us have in common, we all have big fat mouths.    

 The answer to the age old question about what happens when an attorney and a radio DJ fall in love and make babies is that two people who both talk and argue for a living make two other people who are mouth monsters.  I do not mean literally, I mean that the stuff that they say and argue about is unreal.   It is horrifying, sometimes mean, and often impressive. 

     My boys are nine and four.  They are good, smart, hilarious, imaginative, talented, and have a ton of other amazing qualities, so please do not get me wrong, I am not raising monsters, well some days that is debatable, but that is a whole other blog post.    In fact, most of the time that they get in trouble it is for their sass mouths.    My oldest has turned into a little attorney and pretty much just argues or negotiates his way through my patience.  He also thinks he is our co-parent for the youngest so that is fun.

The four year old has issues with just plain saying mean words.  His go-to bad words are, "stupid" and variations of "poop" and "butt".   If you are really lucky you may even get a "stupid poopy butt."  I have heard a smattering of the really bad words but his old standbys, his signature words, are the ones listed above.

Here are some of the tactics we have taken to try to get the verbal assignations in line.

1. Time outs---- Ummmm that is a joke.  The oldest will accept punishment with drama and negotiation.  The youngest will wage an all-out war on the room, house, and your soul.

2. Washing the mouth out with soap-- The oldest told me to shut up a total of one time.   We were at my Mom's house and I calmly (huge victory for me) walked over to the sink, poured the soap in my hand.  

 I said you have two choices:

 1. Lick this soap off my hand or

2. Lose your XBOX for a month. 

 I had no idea what was going to happen, I was busy concealing my rage and quietly being proud of myself for not losing my mind on him.    He ate the soap and then proceeded to lose his mind.    The youngest pretty much hates it, and cries and runs away but it has not been enough to make him stop calling people poop head.

3.  Hot Sauce. -- The same effectiveness as the soap, plus I just think they kind of like it because Dad does.

4.  Taking away stuff-- this tactic is usually the most effective.  The problem is that the oldest is not allowed to play with electronics during the week already so that leaves little that he actually cares about to take away during the week.    The youngest…. It just makes him go into a spiral of four year old obscenities and hysterics that rage on until he is decides he is nice again.

5. The Spank—my hubby and I are not huge fans of corporal punishment.  We have had discussions, I read books, and before we became parents we decided  it was just not our way of dealing with discipline.  We never spanked our oldest, I even crafted a super cute time out chair.   

 Then we had our youngest.   He was a good baby. A beautiful perfect boy.  A sweet guy. My snuggler and lover.  Once he turned into a toddler, he changed.  We secretly call him Sybil.  He will go bat shit crazy and then flip the switch and give you sweaty tear soaked kisses, telling you he is sorry and "woves" you. I am not proud to say that both my hubby and I have spanked him.    I am also not proud to say that I cried in my pillow after and pretty sure he was more pissed than hurt, thus it did not work.

A couple of weeks ago the boys were just out of control.  Every conversation was either was an argument or a negotiation.  These boys were mouth terrorists.   I was already at my wits end when my oldest, who is usually more the negotiator/arguer was just straight rude and disrespectful in front of my sister in law and best friend after his football game.  Also keep in mind, at this point I had given up my entire Sunday and had to run the stupid clock at his game, which I had no idea how to do because I only fake liking sports for him, also it was hot out and I had on jeans.   At any rate, I was super embarrassed and hurt.  

The hubby and I had a conversation and we had the family meeting.     The TV was off.  Two kitchen chairs were pulled out and put in the middle of the room.   We sat the boys down and I started.  I was fabulous.   I gave the best closing argument of my life.   They were attentive and respectful.  The youngest even raised his hand several times to make various points of his own.  Hubby talked and made his points.

The short version is that we are done.  Things will change or life will be harder.  If we take away a train it is forever.  An IPad is not gone for a week it is forever!!!  FOREVER!!!!    It was going great.  I was feeling heard and vindicated and maybe even a little bit respected.  In my head I was secretly applauding us for being great parents.   I was thinking that our kids are going to be awesome, no more verbal assignations, bath time is going to happen without a meltdown, and homework will be done without many lengthy discussions.  We were all calmly discussing the situation and having a real family meeting.   I mean we were really making some progress here, everyone was on board.  

AND THEN….. Just as the hubby was making another clearly amazing well thought out point, the youngest screams…..

“ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT, THIS IS DONE NOW” with his little sticky four year old paws punctuating each point like an old Italian mobster.   The oldest eyes looked like saucers, I was stunned, he totally snippered our family meeting. It came out of nowhere.

 Let’s just say, the calm discussion was over and I once again said to myself for the 15 millionth time.       Good thing these two freaks are cute.  

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

My 30 day challenge to stop doing 30 day challenges.

What's the deal with all the challenges going around?  There are hundreds of 30 day challenges, anything from working out, eating right, not spending money, cleaning, writing, drawing, and on and on.

I am anything but original and I pretty much do whatever is popular, so obviously, I have tried many of these challenges.    My new challenge is to go 30 days without starting a new challenge.  Shoot I already ruined it!

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I have issues with commitment, self-discipline, and pretty much need a therapist, as evidenced below I would most likely only go twice so here is why I have to stop challenging myself to challenges.

This challenge I was very excited for and was very committed, until I wasn't.....the 7 day clean eating challenge,  here is how my challenge went.

Day 1: Wake up. Have pot of coffee with creamer, "accidentally" eat crescent wrapped mini-wiener from the night before.  Print out shopping list.  Go shopping... Buy all the things.  Eat Twix bar because day is already ruined.  Will start tomorrow for sure.

Day 2: Wake up. Look at the menu.  I am supposed to drink warm water with Pink Himalayan Sea Salt and eat Ezekiel bread.  Could not find these two items at the store.  Who the heck is Ezekiel and what is so great about his bread?    Decide if I can't do it right what is the point.  I will start tomorrow.

Day 3:  Too busy to find random weird products.  I can't start a challenge on a Wednesday anyway, that is just wrong.   Clearly week is ruined.  I will start next Monday.

Day 4-6:  Where the hell can I buy this precious Pink Salt??????  Starting to hate pink salt yet slightly obsessed with purchasing it. 

Day 7: Find pink salt and I am mad because it is expensive.  Buy it because the research I did said it helps with your "digestive" system, aka it makes you poop.

Day 8:  Must have this truly earth shattering salt in my water today.  Make big production making the drink.  Take drink.  Swallow. Want to die.  So gross.  Not worth it.  Pour out the rest.    I hate clean eating.  


Sign up for 30 day Plank challenge on Day 30.  Whoops, I am out. Must read entire Facebook post before deciding on a challenge.

Lucky me the next challenge is a a 30 day Burpee challenge.  You have to do 30 burpees a day for 30 days.

Day 1:  Get my work out clothes on and get ready... I am going to own this challenge.  I am going to make this challenge my Bi$%H.     Do 5 burpess...... want to stop... keep going.  two more.... Ok, 7 burpees it is for now.    Technically, the rules said nothing about having to do them all at one.  I will space them throughout the day.    Watch for kids to get off the bus, do 5 burpees in garage, neighbors think I am insane.    Husband gets home.  Challenge him to my challenge.  I show him I can do them and finish up my 30.   He says he could do 30 all at once.  I said no way.  We make a bet, I am sure to win.  Damn it, he does them.  Note to self: Never underestimate a man when action is on the line.  Note to self part 2 : Stop betting action as a prize to your husband.

Day 2: Do 7 burpees in my office.  I decide to do the rest when I go running at lunch.   Shoot, can't work out at lunch.  I will do them tonight.  Get home too tired to move. 

Day 3: Screw it. Why do I keep torturing myself?  I read something that said I am beautiful the way I am, I vow never to work out again.

Pinterest instead of running in the cold morning... Yes Please!!!

A 30 day challenge to De-clutter your house!!!  Whooooo HOOO   sign me up.

My house will be so organized.  I am going to be a Domestic Diva.  My life is going to be so organized.  Life will be perfect!  

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Right after I finish this coffee and pinning this outfit. 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Running the Dream....

I started running not out of any love of the sport or athletic dreams.  I started running because of my ubiquitous conquest of trying to be at a healthy weight.  In other words, I want to be a MILF and I want to wear cute shorts, swimsuits without making people cry, and not feel self-conscious.    The battle has raged on and let me tell you cheese, pizza, beer, and pretty much any type of sweet puts up one hell of a fight.

Running is great cardio and burns lots of calories fast, plus my brother is a runner and my husband is a runner and several of my friends so it seemed like a no brainer.   I am not going to lie and say I am now addicted.  It is not like Netflix, I can turn it off.  I literally force myself to run.  One way I have found that has kept me in check is making sure I meet with my running partners.  My running besties.  Felecia, Amanda, and Sarah have kept me in check many mornings when I did not want to get out of bed at 6:00 AM on a Saturday or kept me from cashing out at mile five and to keep going.   We are a little bit competitive, so that helps too, some of us more than others but I won't mention any names. But I will tell you it rhymes with Telecia.

 Here is another thing about having running friends, you end up pushing each other to be better but you also get more than just the competitive edge.  Four moms out running for two hours while their families sleep so they don't miss out on the events of the day.  We solved the worlds problems at least five times.  

Spending that much time together watching the world come alive every weekend, a bond gets created.  People that I have always liked and admired became more than just casual friends.   They became therapists, stylists, life coaches, doctors, and cheerleaders.     During our training we talked and talked and then sometimes we would all be quiet.   The quiet is just as beautiful as the talking because there is comfort in the peace of silence. Each of us in our own heads, perhaps praying to God, talking to loved ones lost, or even just going through a very long to do list.  There is comfort in knowing everyone is there working for the same goal and wanting you to reach yours. 

When I trained for my first half-marathon I did it alone in my basement on my treadmill.  It was May 2012 and I was an animal.  I was also 15 to 20 pounds thinner and was barely eating.  I pulled a tendon in my foot during the run and could not run for a month and then I gradually gained it all back which was depressing and not a new experience in my lifelong battle.    My time was 2 hours and 14 minutes.

I decided that this year was going to be a great year and to Choose Joy.  One of my goals was to run another half marathon.  Knowing I needed support, I enlisted some of the my friends I knew ran.  The three hotties listed above.  Obviously, with all of us working moms of multiple children with very active lives, I had to enlist the treadmill and some solo outside runs.   Our treat was the weekend runs and some occasional weekday meet ups.   We signed up for a run for on June 14, but then with a late addition of the Rockford Marathon.   I ended up running two half marathons within three weeks.

My Rockford Marathon time was 2:18.  I was not super happy but I was still proud. Being that my first and only other half I finished 2:14 and I was in my opinion in better shape at that time, I understood my performance.

I could not stop running because June 14th was coming up.  My thought was.... who the hell signs up for two in less than a month.  Turns out lots of people, but I digress.  Getting nervous, we decided that we needed to do a really long run before the race but not the weekend before because you need to rest your legs, so at 5:00AM on a random weekday we all met up all sleepy eyed and confused as to why the birds were still asleep and why we were out in the dew covered morning.   Amanda brought a GU for me to try and it really helped.  We ended up doing a full 13 miles that gorgeous morning and our confidence in our ability and our fitness was renewed.

On the morning of the race we all drove to Rockford ready to take on the day.  It was great weather and the course was a little different than the other races we have done but nonetheless it was a great day.  I pushed myself hard.  I kept a good pace for me and never let myself fall below.    I finished the half in 2 hours and 6 minutes and 33 seconds according to my Nike App.   Sadly, my race time was not posted on the website.  I had a minor temper tantrum after my husband told me it did not matter that I knew what my time was.......  I know you would throw a fit too.  It absolutely matters because I like to be validated more than is acceptable in polite society. 

 I was so proud of myself that I had tears in my eyes as I crossed the finish line. It was very emotional for me because I really pushed myself.  One of the things I will never forget as long as I live was the look on my friend Sarah's face as I crossed the finish line.  She knew my other time and that I had just scorched my PR by 10 minutes, which in the running world is huge.  Her face was so happy, proud, and excited for me. She was cheering and running towards me and we had a big sweaty awesome hug.   I must add that she is a natural athlete and had been done for awhile at this point like 20 minutes.    That is the thing about running though, you do race with other people, but you really compete with yourself.

My focus for the summer is to work on my 5K speed and to do more cross training.  I have a lot of other interests that I am pursuing so my time is getting even more limited.    But one thing I will always have time for is throwing on my shoes and running to meet up with my coaches, therapists, advisers, cheerleaders and friends.


Friday, January 31, 2014

My Addiction: The first step is Admitting there is a problem.

I just realized that today is the last day of the first month of the year.   I still do not know how to knit, although I have purchased yarn and a kit to teach myself.   The entire purchase is still in the bag that it came home in and sitting in my craft room.    

Yes, but I bet you think I can play a mean song on the ukulele right??

  Nope.  Can't do it.  Still is cute though.

  I have been choosing joy more …….     

The problem is where I find my joy. 

Joy is found on my couch binge watching television shows on Netflix. 

I blame Netflix, for my house being a mess, my random hobbies not being pursued, and frankly for my ghetto bumper not getting worked out.  
I literally cannot turn on the TV because if I say “just one Katy”, it will absolutely turn into a marathon.   Just one Dexter turns into me curled up on the couch or bed wrapped up like a Katy Blanket Burrito with crazy, oily yet frizzy hair, blood shot glazed over eyes, with a thirst for Diet Pepsi and blood.      

After a marathon of Downton Abbey my appearance is much the same however I want a cup of tea and speak with a British accent.    Ello Govna!!       

Vampire Diaries, Friday Night Lights, Orange is the New Black, Newsroom, Girls, VEEP…… the last couple are on HBO GO but I think you can see the extent of my problem.   (The fact that I have more than a couple of ways to feed my habit is alarming in itself.)

They say an addict has to hit rock bottom before they can truly change, often a person has to hit rock bottom more than once to really make a lasting change.  

Scandal might have been when I hit my rock bottom.    OH…. Olivia and your Gladiators really did a number on me.  A Facebook friend and, former real life see in person friend, often commented on the show so I went to my dealer, Netflix, and got my free little taste.  One episode and I was hooked.    I watched it and watched it…. And watched it some more.  When the boys were taking a bath I would even watch it on my Ipad with headphones.   The rock bottom came, as it usually does, when I ran out of episodes.   I knew there were more available from my frantic internet stalking of the show.   But how do I get them?  What video streaming device is going to make them mine?  Whose stuff do I need to sell in this house to get my hands on this TV show??!!!  

Okay you guys, here is where I hit rock bottom.  I could only get the last most recent episodes on demand through Direct TV.  But obviously I could not watch those without watching the first five of season 3.    During my research, which is what happens when a nerd gets addicted to something, I learned that on Amazon Prime instant video you could buy individual episodes of Scandal season 3.  Glory, Glory Hallelujah!!!!   I think we all know what happens next, no need to go into the gruesome details.  

In an effort to be completely transparent in my shameful confession, it is necessary to share with you all that the reason I have Amazon Prime in the first place was to watch Season 3 of Downton Abbey.   

 It all goes back to Britain doesn’t it?  Full circle my friends, full circle. 

Peace… off to watch Dexter.  

Thursday, January 2, 2014

So that just happened......

So the last blog post I made was literally exactly one year ago today.  Excuse me...... a year went by? Really.  I have no excuse for not writing the blog.  Although if pressured I could come up with the old standbys.  1.Children 2. Work 3. Laundry etc.     Those are terrible excuses though because I just stopped to change the laundry and to talk to my kid.  Look at me all multi-tasking and stuff.

 Ps.  I am out of dryer sheets.  If I fall into a deep depression and do not write for another year, you now know the reason. 

Let's kick off the year with a little recap since you poor souls missed out on an entire year of my life.  Due to the fact that most of the readers of this blog pretty much talk to me on a weekly basis I will do some highlights that you may not know and if you do then smile politely and nod your head. 

1. We bought our house that we have lived in for the past two and half years. It was anti- climactic after all the drama we went through with it.  But we are very happy and love it. 

2. We traded in the trusty lipstick red Pontiac Vibe that the Hubster was driving for the ubiquitous GMC Acadia. 

3.  I still have not officially been declared a princess, BUT  I have trained the youngest to say the following, "Mommy, you are beautiful, Mommy you are a princess".     He gets what he wants, I get what I want.  It is a win-win... stop Judging.

4.  I am already bored with writing the recap.......  so as they say Live for Tomorrow and stuff.


New Year -- New You,  that is what my friend's daughter keeps saying.   I have been thinking a lot about the clean slate business and every year I want to change the same things about myself.  Literally .... every. year.  Lose weight, be more organized, better with money.    Boring.    I do still want that and will never stop trying to be a better person but I am not going to fixate on them, instead 2014 is going to be about choosing joy.

Choosing to be happy and to experience new things.  Learn something.  For example, I would like to learn how to play my new light blue Ukelele and to knit.   I would like to go to more concerts and to travel someplace I have never been.  Take a writing class and a photography class.  Run another half marathon and participate in an adventure course like the Mudderella.    Be in a community play and finish a writing a novel.  

Last but not least,  to write more in this blog.  Because lets face it, I know you missed me. 

Phew, I have a lot to do this year. But first...... I need to have another cup of coffee and Crush some candy.