Friday, May 18, 2012

The Pity Party has been canceled.

I have not written a post in quite awhile, the blog says since April 25th.  I have in my head written several and then started one in draft form and never published it.   The overriding theme of the posts that I wrote in my head were basically a list of things that keep me sane and things that happen to cheer me up.   I only wanted to write about positive things in life.  All the shiny, glittery, wonderful things that make me happy and make my world a better place. 

The problem is and was that as I was formulating the list, God had other plans.  Several of the things on my list were lost, plans changed, good byes were said.  Specifically, we lost our gorgeous Lab Payton, are having issues with both of the houses, got some sad news, I did not win a trial, and then just other random pains of everyday life were keeping me from having my perfectly planned life.  I have annoyed myself just by writing it.  Who did I think I was? 

  Today it occurred to me that the only constant for sure not going anywhere thing on my list of things that help me stay sane, is God.  As I walked Grady to the sitters today, the sun was beaming down on us in such a way that the perfect warmth from it felt like a hug from God.  He knows when you need a hug.  It also occurred to me that if my intention is to blog only when life is perfect and I get everything I want when I want it, and only write when things happen as I planned it to happen, I will not have very many posts. 

Life is messy, dirty, gritty, and beautiful all at the same time.  For me to only focus on the pretty is a bit naive, although I firmly believe that you cannot have positive life without a positive mind.   As I was watching my list get smaller it was hard for me to keep a positive mind.    I am lucky that the remaining people and things on the list are still there to keep me smiling and my pony tail bouncing.  

My friend Kelly, you know her already,  and I were having lunch recently.  She had a major foot surgery and some complications, that coupled with some other personal stuff,  had her in a bit of a funk.  I was in my funk and we were having a friend therapy session.  As Kelly and I were chatting and solving the world's problems she said something that really resonated in me.  She said she realized when she was having a dark moment that what brought her out of it was telling herself that it is fine to have a pity party, but you do not have to attend the party everyday.   I love that!   

For now my pity party is over and I will not be the guest of honor anymore. Not this weekend anyway, I am all booked.

This weekend it going to be busy and fun.  I will experience a lot of things for the first time.  Tonight is my first murder mystery party.   As an "out of work" actress  I am super excited to be apart of this with some fun ladies.  On Saturday, the boys have pictures in Dixon, where the proceeds are donated to help bring a little girl to her new adoptive family. Amazing.   Then I am going to Chicago to see my god daughter's dance recital.   Sunday is the big day.   13.2 miles.   This is a big first.  My trainer says I am ready.  I have a play list set and most importantly my outfit is picked out.   

Love to you all!!  Peace.

One of the things that really helped me was creating a slide show remembering Payton.  It was my form of art therapy.    Inspired by my sister in law who is an art therapist.  I can see now how powerful it must be for people who need it in far more extreme circumstances. 

Here is the link on youtube...  some people cannot work it sorry.

Payton's Life

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