Friday, April 13, 2012

On my soap box: Work at home moms vs. Work outside the home moms. Stop the Judging.

I was taught never to discuss politics, money or religion with people.  That these are private matters that should not be discussed.  One main reason I see this as good advice is that not only do people have varying beliefs but they almost always feel very strongly about their belief.    These are the things that start wars.  Mostly in the name of religion but everyone knows that both money and politics are closely related.  The fighting starts when others try to change the mind or force their beliefs regarding whatever topic onto whom they are discussing it with.  Guess what?  It does not change people's minds.  It starts a fight and firmly plants the seeds of discord further into each person.    The negativity is overwhelming at times.

Who started the war between moms that work at home with their children and moms that go to work outside the home?  This debate has been going on since women started the fight for equality and continues today.   Yesterday the big news story was regarding comments back and forth pitting mothers that stay at home with their children versus mom's that work outside the home.  I won't get into the specifics because it is not really worth the time it is more contextual to what made me once again start thinking about this ever present issue with moms.    

 Guess what?  ALL mothers work hard and pitting us against each other continues to marginalize women.   Being a stay-at- home mom is a choice that some make or it could be that they really do not have a choice.  Same with moms that work outside the home.  Maybe the mom has to work to feed her children or maybe the mom likes having a career and being a mother too.    The point is we do not know the situation so let us not judge anyone.  We need to have each other's backs ladies, respect each other, love each other and most importantly teach the parents of the future to do the same. 

I personally, as you all know, am a mother who has a career outside the home.  I love my job.  I love being a mother.  I love helping keep the airways safe.  I love having breakfast with my children.    Did I make a choice?  Honestly, when I take a long look at my life.. I always imagined having children and at the same time I always imagined being a working mother.   Would I stay home if I could?  Maybe, I do not know.  I try not to think about it much.     Mom guilt is pretty powerful on just about every other issue we face so adding to the list is just not appealing.   

I found these lists on the Internet of things not to say to mothers...working at home or working outside the home.....  we need to start with each other if we want to change the future. 


1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.

2. I suppose it's smart that you're working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.

3. I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.

4. It's cute when they call your nanny "Mama."

Also see:

5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.

6. Did you see Dateline ? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?

7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that's just me!

8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else's mom.

9. You must feel so guilty.

10. I wish I were as laid-back as you and could just let the housework go.

—Liz Gumbinner of, with help from her blog readers

Top 10 Things never to stay to a work at home mom.

1. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?

2. How June Cleaver of you!

3. Oh, so you don't work?

4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?

5. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.

6. I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.
Also see:

7. What do you do all day, anyway?

8. I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.

9. That explains why your son is so clingy!

10. Weird. I assumed your house would be super clean.

—Candy Kirby of, with help from her Twitter followers and friends

All of those comments about send me in a rage.  People are so mean to each other sometimes.  Sadly,  I have heard most of the working mom comments.   It hurts my feelings a little and then I let it go, because usually it is not meant to be mean.  Moms out there let us all just stop all the snarky comments and judgments.   Being a parent... Mom or Dad is crazy hard and amazing, support each other and this world can only change for the better.    Just in case you are wondering .... the studies pretty much show that we can mess up our kids whether we work at home or outside the home. 

 Just love the crap out of your kids, teach them right from wrong, and pray A LOT!!! 

1 comment:

  1. You know, I'm a work from home mom, which in my case means I have a day job that I do in my house in addition to stay at home mom duties and that totally works for me...but I've felt the need to explain (more than once) that I DO work, I'm not JUST a're so right, we're so great at criticizing each other...ugh. I'm with you, regardless of your career status, parenting is hard. No matter what. Can't we all just get along?!